2022

Off-season Summary

• GM Dan is unceremoniously ejected from the league for abandoning the Kale Kings franchise.

• The Kale Kings franchise is bought out by Jimmy and Cindy, who rename it to 2 Duncan Donuts.

• MagicMikeIII is renamed midseason to Franco's Italian Army.

• Bishop Sycamore Practice Squad is renamed to Koo Fighters.

• L L L is renamed to Family Federation for World Peace and Unification North American Representative.

• 80% Mental, 40% Physical, 30% Luck is renamed to Nerd Herd.

• NoKe drops the sponsorship naming rights and returns to being known as NoKe.

• The "Natas Liah" Drawa is renamed to drawA “nataS liaH” ehT.

• The Financial Oversight Award is created.

2022 Awards

Stats-Based Awards

Commissioner’s Championship Trophy For The Best Team This Year Award - given to the winner of the league title every season. Winner – MagicMikeIII, aka Franco’s Italian Army. Finishing the regular season on a 7-game win streak is a pretty surefire way to lock up the postseason, and this team kept it going all the way to the top. Congratulations!

The Bridesmaid Award - given to the league runner-up - hey, at least you get something shiny. Winner – Knute Rockme. A great improvement over years past, we expect this team to challenge for the title in 2023.

The Duke Of Sealand Cup – originally gifted to the league founders in recognition of their services to the great country of Sealand by Duke Harold himself, two cups are given each year to the champions of the Wayne and Keenan Divisions. Winner, Keenan Division – MM3/FIA. Winner, Wayne Division, Knute Rockme. No surprises here, our two division champs faced off in the Big Game At The End.

The “Dude, Come On” Award – so named to hopefully encourage the recipient to step up their game from the season’s last-place finish. Sad Winner – Mr. Rodgers’ Love Child.

The Troy State Run ‘n’ Gun Award – named in honor of the Troy State basketball team that once beat a team from DeVry University 252-147 (yes, that DeVry, and yes, that was the score), this is awarded to the team with the highest single game score all year. Winner – Knute Rockme, with their Week 8 performance of 202 points.

The Little Sisters of the Blind “Wimpy, Wimpy, Wimpy” Award, presented by Hefty™ brand trash bags – Conversely, this award is presented to the owner whose team puts up the lowest single game score in the season. Sad Winner – Koo Fighters, with their Week 7 score of just 76 points. That was just depressing. Also, Nerd Herd’s 73 in champ week is invalid due to previously mentioned conditions.

The Belichek/Carroll Memorial “Run Up The Score” Award – Like the awards’ namesakes, this is given to the owner whose team wins by the largest margin of victory, to the point where it was probably unnecessary. Winner – NoKe, who defeated God’s Country in Week 8 by a score of 168-77, a victory of 91 points.

The “Soda Can” Award – Given to the owner who, like a soda can, was crushed the worst, suffering the largest margin of defeat. No surprises here – Sad Winner, God’s Country, for the above result. That’s the second year in a row for God’s Country, but it looks like they got it all out of their system in one week this year given their finishing position. Todd, please stop making me give you this award.

The Mike Krzyzewski “Cupcake Schedule” Award – awarded to the owner with the fewest points scored against them this season. Winner – Koo Fighters, with 1676 points against in the regular season. I already touched on this, but I feel like y’all were taking it easy  against me this year, so thank you. 2DD only had 1678, so they skated as well.

The John Shaft Memorial “You Know What You Got” Award – the opposite, this award is given to the owner who had the hardest schedule, measured by the most points scored against them this season. Sad Winner – Mr. Rodgers’ Love Child,  with 1919 points against in the regular season.

The Brady-Crosby-Curry “Oh, Of Course He Did” Award – given to the owner that led the league in scoring for the season. The award is so named since they probably also won a lot, like the namesakes. Winner – MM3/FIA, with 2121 points for in the regular season. This is an all-time NHL record. No wonder they took the title on the back of a 12-win season.

The America Online “You’ve Got Mail” Award – given to the owner that mailed it in the most this year, scoring the fewest points for the season. Sad Winner­ and perhaps no surprise here – Mr. Rodgers’ Love Child, with just 1606 points for in the regular season. Hardest schedule, worst offense, and last place. Total recipe for failure. So much for naming the league after yourself, co-commish.

The Moneyball Award - given to the owner that makes the most transactions throughout the year. On the ESPN site there used to be a counter, but Fleaflicker doesn’t have that. I USED TO BE too lazy to actually count and would just base it on how long your transaction log is, going back to the draft, but I figured out an easier way to count it up. Winner – MM3/FIA, with 146 player transactions. Honorable Mentions – God’s Country and the Moonies, for brokering 2 different multi-player trades, both involving Kareem Hunt. Very cool.

The “You Got Rocked” Award – Named in honor of the People’s Champ, this award is given to the owner who has a player with the highest individual score all year, or the owner with the best eyebrows - dealer’s choice. Winner – Two Duncan Donuts, with RB Joe Mixon (54) in an astounding Week 9 performance. 153 rushing yards, 4 rushing TDs, 4 catches for 58 receiving yards, and a receiving TD. Truly dominant.

drawA “nataS liaH” ehT –This is awarded to the team with the player that scored them the most negative points, making the score go backwards. Sad Winner – Council of Steel, with the Dolphins D/ST (-2) way back in Week 2. With just 18 total return yards (+1), no sacks, no forced fumbles, no interceptions, no blocked kicks/punts, and no safeties, this defense allowed 38 points (-3) for this woeful performance. The all-time record was also set by a defense, so perhaps it’s fitting.

The “Make The Grade” Award, powered by Scamazon Core Advanced Metrics. Given to the owner with the most efficient lineup, as decided by some sort of terrifying A.I. program that will surely rule us all in a few years’ time. Winners (tie) – Two Duncan Donuts and MM3/FIA, 4 weeks at 100%. Once again, I kept tabs on the results all year, thinking I’d hand this out to someone who scored in the high 90’s, but there were still a ton of 100% ratings, although there was a marked decrease from last year. Here’s the final standings -  

·         Two Duncan Donuts and MM3/FIA – 4 games

·         Council of Steel, Destroyers, and God’s Country – 2 games

·         BlahBlahBlah, Knute Rockme, Nerd Herd, and Mr. Rodgers’ Love Child – 1 game

The Moonies, NoKe and Koo Fighters were the only teams not to hit the 100% mark at any point this year. We can also safely declare Koo Fighters as the sad loser of this award, achieving a shocking 66% rating in Week 2.

The Financial Oversight Award, presented by Enron. Given to the owner of the annual Dash For Cash, this year brought to you by Edison Performance Dynamics. We’ve already discussed this, but it seems appropriate to hand out a trophy to go with it, which we’ll do going forward. Winner – BlahBlahBlah, 300 points.

Subjective Awards

The Grant Holden Memorial “Are You Sure About That?” Draft Award  - named in honor of our very own Laine (new name), in memory of his 2014 draft decision to pick K Chandler Katanzaro with the 3rd overall pick in the draft, this award is given in Week 1 to the owner who makes the most questionable draft day decision. Winner (yet again) – BlahBlahBlah, for drafting K Chris Boswell in the 6th round. We’ve already been over this one, but for the love of God, I know y’all like picking Steelers but please stop reaching for kickers. It’s for your own good.

The Metta World Peace/Chad Ochocinco Memorial Award – given to the owner with the best team name, as decided on by a panel of experts (me and Kirk). Winner - Family Federation for World Peace and Unification North American Representative (aka the Moonies). Once again, another impossible-to-type name gets the win this year. We’ve come to expect nothing less from this franchise, who continues to be an enigma in the team name/logo game. Truly a great moniker. Honorable Mention – Two Duncan Donuts. With a nod to the two-headed ownership group of this team as well as a nod to an established brand, the wordplay on this one was top notch. Well done.

The Brandon Weeden Memorial Rookie Of The Year Award – given to the best performing first-time fantasy owner. Winner – Two Duncan Donuts. No true rookies this year, but with 2DD coming in as a new team for 2022 we’re glad to see that they put up a strong performance in their first year of NHL action.

The Avery-Suh Memorial Sportsmanship Award – usually given to the owner that does the shiesty-est thing during the season. Happy loser – the whole league. Uhh, I don’t know what to say. Nobody did anything really shady this year! This is the first year we haven’t handed this one out, which means you all did good, so thanks. Next year I’m gonna need y’all to be a little more cutthroat.

The Ernest Shackleton Memorial “Spirit of the NHL” Award – given to the owner that truly embodies the spirit of the league, as the commissioners envisioned it. Winner – Council of Steel. Last year, we jointly awarded this one to the entire Stehle household for their dogged determination in the face of futility. Once again, both Stehle ownership groups displayed the same espirit de corps we love to see in the NHL, but with Council of Steel facing down longer odds and BBB finding triumph in the Dash For Cash, we felt it appropriate to sent this one home with the Council. A one-time NHL Champion, this team continues to show the same stick-to-itiveness year in and year out, regardless of finishing position, and that’s what the NHL is all about.

Weekly Articles

Wrap-Up / Year In Review

Greetings NHL GMs, and happy Sunday morning!

I know Kirk and I always tell you we don’t send out long, diatribe-esque emails to the league, except when it’s important, but this is one of those, and it’s a doozy. Maybe get a drink or a snack before you read the rest of this, I’m pretty sure it’s the longest one we’ve sent out to date, so sorry in advance. Please do read it in its entirety, as it contains crucial information to wrap things up for this year, as well as some key stuff for next year.

As you may have noticed, the season has since come to a close. No need to panic – last night’s games don’t count, and neither do today’s, so sit back, relax, and enjoy football for what it was many years ago before you started ruining your weekends with fantasy.

As you may also have noticed, this message does not follow the typical midweek convention that these get sent out. That’s partially because of my schedule, but mostly due to us holding off to see what the NFL would do in regards to the Week 17 game between the Bills and the Bengals. With the final decision coming from the league, our results and scores are now finalized. Obviously, what happened in that game is a scary reality, and we wish the best for Damar Hamlin and his family during his recovery. The effect that outcome had on our league is minimal, so we will not be making any adjustments to scores or results. If you feel like that’s not appropriate to your situation, that’s fine – get in touch with me or Kirk privately and we’ll talk about it.

With the end of the season, that means we have some housekeeping to attend to. First of all, our congratulations to David for his victory, making him the 4th ever NHL champ in the FleaFlicker era. Kirk and I had a long discussion a few days ago, and we were extremely pleased with how the league turned out this year. Everyone put a great effort forward and the competition was fierce, and this was the closest season to date, so great job to all of our owners and ownership consortiums. If my math is correct, this 12-team league is a 16-person effort (NoKe, 2DD, CJS, and BBB are all 2-person efforts), and this is not possible without all of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for your continued dedication and support – this is awesome and something I look forward to every year. We hope all 12 franchises return for 2023 and we can’t wait to see what is in store.

It’s My Way, Until Pay Day. Perhaps the most important part – time to get paid. Here are our 2022 season prize winners –

David – MagicMikeIII (d/b/a Franco’s Italian Army) - $250. First place, grand prize, job done. Congrats!

Mark – Knute Rockme - $125. Number two isn’t nothing to sneeze at.

Todd – God’s Country - $95. Add that pocket change that comes back from the cleaners, and that’s an even hundo.

The NoKe alliance - $80. Hey, that’ll cover 16 Biggie Bags from Wendy’s. Time to feast.

The BlahBlahBlah mother/daughter duo - $50. Winners of the Dash For Cash, your late-season heroics get your buy-in back. Nice!

As is the usual, we will automatically roll your prize winnings in to next year’s buy-in fee and send you the difference. If that’s not what you want to do, no problem, please get in touch with Kirk and we will send you the full amount.

Bring me Bryce Young, baby! With the final standings settled, here’s where everyone shook out, in reverse order. This is also the draft order we will use for next season, regardless of what the site tells you come August –

12. Mr. Rodgers’ Love Child

11. Council of Steel

10. Family Federation for World Peace and Unification North American Representative (aka Moonies)

9. Destroyers

8. BlahBlahBlah

7. Two Duncan Donuts

6. Nerd Herd

5. Koo Fighters

4. NoKe

3. God’s Country

2. Knute Rockme

1. MagicMikeIII/Franco’s Italian Army

The Annual NHL Awards Banquet. Now, my pet project, the league awards. As you all probably know by now, it’s not the yelling at people, making tyrannical leadership decisions, or the weekly recaps that are my favorite part of the league, but it’s these. Once again, I have broken them down into two groups – awards based on statistics, and awards based on subjectivity. Also, if anyone has any ideas for new awards for next year, please let us know, and we’ll consider them going forward. Kirk and I have already workshopped a few new ones for next year. A key point – all awards are based off regular season results.

Also, while we’re on the topic, Kirk and I would like to shed some light onto a few things that don’t fit anywhere else in this email, but don’t have awards assigned to them. First, both Todd and myself somehow managed to stay on top of the Keenan division for a significant portion of the season, despite having two of the weakest offenses in the league, as through week 12, we had the two lowest points for, but also the two lowest points against totals – interesting statistical quirk. Kirk and I would also like to separately acknowledge both Todd and Mark for their great bounce-back seasons after some recent struggles, both teams were Cinderella stories for us and it was very cool to see them in the playoffs this year. Also, with hindsight being 20/20, the draft now looks a little different than it did in Week 1, although we will touch on that below. We feel pretty confident in our assessment on most picks, but a few things have changed. Most notably, Todd’s pick of RB Isiah Pacheco in the 14th looks like the steal of this year, especially compared to 2022 NHL Mr. Irrelavent RB Zamir White, who finished the season with 4 points. We’d also like to applaud God’s Country, Nerd Herd and Two Duncan Donuts for rostering their drafted kicker for the entire season, regardless of the sense it made – that’s the NHL spirit right there. Hell, I had a freaking kicker-themed team and I let Younghoe Koo go to waivers one week. Pretty cool.

Folks, that’s all I’ve got. For one final time this year, I’m subjecting you to the rantings and ravings of Atom Shuffler, continued below. Kirk and I once again would like to thank you for another excellent season of National Holley League fantasy football. We’d like to wish you all a happy and healthy 2023, and we look forward to seeing you all again come early September.

Best wishes for your new year,

Will and Kirk

Summarize the year as an independant observer 

Final Standings

1. MagicMikeIII/Franco's Italian Army (David)

2. Knute Rockme (Mark)

3. God's Country (Todd)

4. NoKe (Keith/Nolan)

5. Koo Fighters (Will)

6. Nerd Herd (Bob)

7. 2 Duncan Donuts (Jimmy/Cindy)

8. BlahBlahBlah (Steph/Zoe)

9. Destroyers (Mike B)

10. Family Federation for World Peace and Unification North American Representative, aka Moonies (Laine)

11. Council Of Steel (Jon/Cooper)

12. Mr. Rodgers Love Child (Kirk)