2026

Heeeeeeeeeeere’s Atom! Did you miss me?

That’s right, dear readers. I’ve survived yet another frigid Sasketchewan winter, no thanks to a lone propane heater in my trailer. The spring thaw came a little late this year, and the summer sun (and rain), despite its best efforts to cook me alive (and subsequently wash me away in a flood), didn’t get the better of me. The ongoing drought, however, is certainly wreaking havoc for miles around – upcountry degens keep showing up in the trailer park and stealing both my rain barrel and bottled water to nourish their crops, leaving me high and literally dry on the weeks I can’t catch them before they escape with their ill-gotten gains. They’re harder to spot this time of year compared to the winter months – a straight-piped Silverado blends in to the normal trailer park traffic better than a 2-stroke snowmobile, on account of all the stolen catalytic converters around here – but when you follow one of those trucks with a “Locally Hated” sticker in the back window to a weed farm, you know it was degens that took your H2O (degens don’t grow anything else, in case you were curious). As the fall freeze is just now beginning to set in up here, that can only mean one thing – the start of another exciting season of NHL fantasy football contests. This marks not only the 10th season of NHL play, but also my 10th year of covering this fine organization, truly a monument to blind stupidity, wasted effort, and fruitless struggle - *checks notes* - sorry, that was supposed to be hope, dedication, and ingenuity. That sounds right.

As ever, the season had to begin with the annual NHL Draft. Commissioner Roger Stern-Bettman, who I refuse to refer to by his full title because he’s insufferable, was once again on hand to welcome the hordes of fans to what marked a decade of NHL existence. This year’s firing squad – err, loyal fanbase, sorry – pulled out all the stops for the Big RSB, pelting him with the usual assortment of rotten fruits and veg, an admittedly wasteful half-finished beer, and paper airplane with “Love Bomb” written on it, which was pretty funny. I have some concerns about the person who somehow managed to throw a small child onto the stage (I hope that thing didn’t belong to you, your spouse might have some questions), but more than one person decided to fire a brick up there, and to those fans, I salute you – I’d throw a brick at the Commish too if not for the restraining order keeping me 500 meters away from him at all times. I should go to the gym more, I can’t throw that far…yet. Thankfully, our draft analysis specialist, L.L. Piper, was on hand to observe the picks on the day of, so it’s over to him for a paragraph to tell us about what happened on day zero. Mr. Piper?

Thanks, Atom. The 10th Annual NHL Draft was a fun one, with plenty of interesting action, but a few things stood out to me. First of all, I’m a big naysayer, so I want to throw out my front-runners for The Laine Holden Memorial “Are You Sure About That?” Draft Award for the worst pick of the year. The B’s pick of K Brandon Aubery at 7.7 was an obvious massive overpay (despite the fact that he’s clearly the best kicker in the game, just WAY too early), but TE Tucker Kraft at 4.3 for Love Me Sum Kraft Cheese screams panic pick to me and might be the most expensive pick in this draft. Rockme going with the Texans D/ST in the 8th left me scratching my head, as did the B’s going with 3 TE’s as well as Ranger Flyer going with 0 QB’s after keeping Jordan Love. Speaking of the B’s and their TE’s, however, I’m a big fan of what they did from round 9 on, getting a ton of value off the board late, especially in the last two rounds – something I threw into Atom’s premium BSPN Gold column after the draft. Since we’re doing a bad/good theme, Love Me Sum Kraft Cheese might have had the steal of the draft with QB Baker Mayfield at 15.9, and RB’s Z. Charbonnet (Ranger Flyer) and T. Spears (Nerd Herd) also look like stunning values in the final round (although Spears quickly found himself on a new roster). GM Laine’s franchise with another long-ass name was the first in NHL history to benefit from a pick trade from a prior season, using their second round 5 slot to pick up RB Bhayshul Tuten, which I rate as an excellent choice at the 5.8, especially since they were stealing it away from their division rivals who gifted it to them. And speaking of those division rivals, since they were a man short on their roster, they had to hit the waiver wire right after the draft, but since the wire doesn’t have a spot on my Big Bored, that must mean I have to hand things over to Matthieu Baie for a moment. Monsieur?  

Merci beaucoup, Messieurs Conduit et Brouiller. L'Usine de Marquer de Larry Csonka was of course forced to sign an additional undrafted player otherwise forgotten by the rest of the league, much like the concept of a free Quebec, but of course I digress. The tres rapide pickup of KaVontae Turpin is one that I think was the best possible get post-draft, and the fact that he was an UDFA shocked me even with the league’s changed rules regarding kick and punt returns, especially given his special teams proclivities in 2025. NoKe was also quite active on the wire following the draft, signing the likes of P Logan Cooke and K Trey Smack to the roster, two savy pickups of special teamers with énergique legs. NoKe also snapped up new free agent RB Tyjae Spears, while Franco’s Italian Army found veteran depth on the wire with RB Alvin Kamara 24 hours post-draft. There were plenty of other moves heading into Week 1, but I would be achieving nothing more than making the fanbase impatient by waffling on any more, so it’s back to Atom to kick things off with his dedicated accounts of all the Week 1 games. M. Brouiller, over to you.

The inaugural game of the season was certainly full of sights and sounds for the throngs of delighted fans, ready for the return of NHL football action. Rockme Mama played host to defending champs NoKe in the first contest of the year, and it delivered in spades. High-scoring offense abounded, most of all courtesy of NoKe QB Caleb Williams, whose 4-TD, 37-point day was good enough to earn him preliminary honors for the “You Got Rocked” Award. RBs Jahmyr Gibbs (33) and rookie Ashton Jeanty (32) brought the “pound” to ground-and-pound, punishing the defense with the run, and leaving open field for TE Isiah Likely (25) to ply his trade. The Rockme boys boasted a powerful ground game as well, with D’andre Swift (32) and Bijan Robinson (28) doing a great job of delivering performance while carrying the rock. This also left some room for the air attack, as WR Chris Olave continues to excel at the position, putting up a healthy 28 points in this contest. Rockme suffered from a woeful effort on the other side of the ball, however, as the Texans D/ST (-1) posted our first negative score of the year and start out the season not-so-strong with sole ownership of drawA “nataS liaH” ehT. The champs start their season with a W, 179-158.

Sticking with the Wayne, Nerd Herd was eager to put their 2025 season behind them as they faced off against hosts BlahBlahBlah. Unfortunately for the B’s, they seem to still be stuck in their woeful ways of the past, in no small part due to the medical absence of star TE Brock Bowers. Matt Stafford and Rico Dowdle also heavily underdelivered, but shining bright spots stood out with WR’s Stefon Diggs (15) and Nico Collins (20), giving the B’s something to look forward to for the rest of the season. The Herd min-maxxed their numbers harder than a pocket-protector-wearing DnD fanatic, leaning heavily on flex WR Parker Washington (19), the Steeler D/ST (26), and ageless RB Derrick Henry (34), while the rest of the roster save Joe Burrow muddled along in their wake. Given the B’s troubles, it was more than enough this week, and the Nerds start off the year on top, winning 134-79.

Let’s jump over to the Keenan for a moment, as our first matchup of the year on that side of the aisle took place between Hillbilly Blitz and the visiting Destroyers. Both teams scored plenty in the early window – the Destroyers opened with 35 from QB Josh Allen, 28 from RB David Montgomery, and 18 from TE Dalton Kincaid; while the Blitz kept it close with lots of chip players and 19 from RB Bucky Irving. The Blitz came storming back, though, led by 23 from QB Jalen Hurts and 31 from WR Justin Jefferson, as the Destroyers responded with 15 from WR CeeDee Lamb. This game came down to an X factor, although maybe in this one, we should call it the “K” factor – Blitz kicker Evan McPherson had a 20-point career day, banging in all 3 of his XP’s and a perfect 4/4 on FG attempts, including 2 50+ yarders. A hard-fought contest here, with the Blitz coming out on top, 143-137.

In a battle of long-standing Canton inductees, Franco Harris’ Italian Army played host to the munchkins from Larry Csonka’s Touchdown Factory. The Francophiles, fresh off another juggernaut season, turned to the old ways, grinding out production from the hardnose RB’s of Javonte Williams (24) and Kyren Williams (15), while the tight end Dallas Goedert smashed and bashed his way to 23 points off just 4 catches. The Csonka Emporium, meanwhile, had to get a little more creative and whimsical, inventing new ways to score across multiple positions. Yes, WR Mike Evans (16) was your plain-jane chocolate bar, but RB Chase Brown (18) did most of his work as a pass-catcher, TE Trey McBride (24) turned in a wide-receiver-esque game, and WR Amon-Ra St. Brown posted 28 on mostly short-yardage action. With neither team excelling on special teams or at the QB position, the inventiveness of the Munchkins earned them a Week One W, 128-104.

Since we mentioned one NHL co-Vice President, let’s check on the other, as newly minted Love Me Sum Kraft Cheese started their year on the road against Council Of Steel. I don’t know if the stench in the room was because somebody cut the cheese, the cheese was moldy, the team stunk, who knows – but this game was an absolute STINKER for the Singles. With QB Baker Mayfield’s 13 points being the only double-digit score for this squad, their woeful 72-point total gives them solid ownership of The Little Sisters of the Blind “Wimpy, Wimpy, Wimpy” Award and a strong case to hold it until the end of the season. The Council didn’t escape their opponents’ stench of defeat unscathed, as TE Colston Loveland posted a goose egg, but the rest of the roster seemed to be able to plug their noses (thankfully). RB Breece Hall generated 19, recently relocated WR DJ Moore put up 21, WR Christian Watson had 32 in a return to form and the field, and RB Kenneth Walker scored 33 in his futile quest for a 200-yard rushing day (but he came close). The Council handily win this one, 154-72, more than doubling up the Kraft Lovers and taking over The Belichek/Carroll Memorial “Run Up The Score” Award for their 82-point margin of victory, thus banishing the Singles to also hold the requisite “Soda Can” Award for their crushing defeat.

So far, we’ve gone fun game, blowout, nail-biter, fun game, blowout – so that means we must be setting up for another nail-biter, right? You’d be correct, dear reader, as we take a look at our primetime matchup for Week 1, this one also being the first edition of the newly-renamed 2026 Holden Family Hoedown. Why did I rename it? Well, because both of the franchises involved are bearing new monikers, of course! The Todd Squad, now going by Ranger Flyer, hosted the – jesus christ, what am I looking at – Torrence Ivy Hatch Jr. Gender Studies Seminar? Clearly, that’s a team that could only belong to GM Laine, so we must be in the right place. The Lone Rangers were Flying high early on, as WR’s Zay Flowers and Jaxon Smith-Njigba led the aerial assault with a pair of 26-point games. QB Jordan Love served as air traffic control, posting 19 points, while the Jags D/ST kept things shored up on the other side, effectively executing all 19 ground operations roles. The Gender Seminar Students started out by being strongly offended with some strong offense, with the most vocal among them being RB Travis Etienne (15), RB Jonathan Taylor (24), and QB Lamar Jackson (27), before getting defensive playing strong defense with a 20-point outing from the Seahawks D/ST unit. With the Holden Hoedown coming down to the wire, the Boosie Boys (and Girls) take a narrow 2-point defeat at the hands of Ranger Flyer, 139-137, earning them the preliminary honors for The Deus Ex Machina Award, still presented by WD-40.

Folks, I don’t know what else to say. It’s the start of a finish of a decade of a truly wonderful creation, and I can’t begin to express how excited I am to share it with you all. I’m battening down the hatches of my mobile abode to prepare for another long, dark, cold, windy, punishing winter, but it fills me with nothing but happiness because it means that I get to do my favorite two things uninterrupted – write about the goings-on of the National Holley League, and generate new empty bottles of Alberta Premium (those weren’t in any particular order). Now, if I can just hide a few more cases of water bottles before the first freeze cracks them and I can make sure the degens won’t steal them, I should have enough to make it to next May, so forgive me for cutting this short, but I’ve got to take care of my winter supplies – at least until next week when the frost sets in.

Atom Shuffler

BSPN NHL insider